Susan was one amazing person and I never mean for anyone to think when I tell her story and the fact that it did not have the ending that we had all hoped for that I am being negative because I am not. Not only was her cancer triple negative but it was also inflammatory breast cancer which is not common at all. But she lived the life of a true Christian and never questioned why God had allowed this to happen. I have to say that I was so blessed to be her sister and it was truly God's blessing. People reading her Caring Bridge don't know that we were adopted sisters because we never thought of ourselves that way. We might not have shared blood in our veins but we had a true love for each other in our hearts. As far as the two of us being alike - in most ways that could not be further from the truth. At times what I might call my quick wit - she would call putting my foot in my mouth and I could just see her shutter!!! At times her anal ways would make me shutter too!! I know she prayed so much for my girls to survive their growing up years with me as their mom!!! I do think God allows our love ones to look down on us to see how we are doing in life and to also know how we felt about them. I still hope that I cause her to blush and shake her head with with some of the things I do. I also hope that I make her proud with the things I do. I could not have had a blood sister that I would have loved more.
This month is a very hard month for me - we had a wonderful vacation at the beach last year with her and it is so hard to believe that has been only one year. And her 41st birthday would be the 19th of this month. Although she never questioned why God allowed this to happen to her, I have to say I do. She had so much to offer this world why did this have to happen but perhaps God needed her for other things.
She taught me so much and I am not sure she even knew how much she did teach me. Susan walked the walk and talked the talk of a true child of God until she drew her last breath. How honored I am that God saw fit to allow me to be a part of her life. I have so many stories that I look back on and laugh. I also have so many things that I know will go on in the future that will make me cry because she is not here to enjoy them with me. Lots of those things will be things that involve my girls. She enjoyed being an aunt so much. My daughters were so blessed to have her. There are just some things that I could share with her that I now have no one else that can truly understand. That is something I never thought about. When another family member made me mad - I could call her up and tell her about it. We could dish the dirt but then hang up knowing that we still loved that person and our conversation would never go further. That is just our sister thing. She could let me have it ( trust she did that on many occasions) and I could let her have it (hard to believe I know but I did that on many occasions) and her having cancer did not change that in any way. She told me one time to not think that her being sick would change anything about how we fussed with each other. And trust me it did not. But we always said our peace and then it was over. We both knew the other one still loved us.
I know that Susan, even if she could, would not want to come back to this place. She is in a far better place, a place that our Heavenly Father created for His children but even that does not take away the fact of how much I miss her. I know that both she and my mother are anxiously awaiting our arrival in Heaven and when it is my turn to go I know I have seeing them along with the other family members that have gone before us to look forward to. And I will be in the presence of my heavenly Father.
